Okays. Recent updates about my life , recent as in the pass few months. Been clubbing , went shopping. Also have been having steamboat and going for foot reflexology and body massages late in the night . Did a little shopping here and there and of cos eating good food all the time.

And as many of you may not know i 've been battling depression for the longest time i can even remember. It comes and goes so naturally. Playing with my emotions or driving me to a point of desperation whereby i feel that there's no way out when i cannot feel happy about a damn thing anymore. Contemplated suicide , though i've nv attempted to take my own life. Its driving me insane.
know why ? I have people treating me so well , nice friends , parties to attend , cash and parents that care. I should be happy. But i cant i wonder why? why am i feeling so upset ? what am i not happy about ? Or rather why do i feel nothing and just want to be alone. There is nothing there to upset me , This overwhelming feeling of sadness / anger / worthlessness just comes.

So i normally sleep on it , eat non-stop , stay home watching movies online or waste my time away. I wonder why i have to be this way. Oh and sometimes i do " self medicate " spending days at different hotels smoking time away. Days pass by like mins and these activites often burn a big hole in my pocket man but it is all in the hope of feeling better , sometimes just to kill boredom or to have a long chat and bonding with friends. I leave it untreated as i've already grown used to it. Till then i'll just self medicate again (:

Mani / pedi at bugis street

Aft straightening my hair at bugis


At ajisen's and Billy Bomber's with Lianlian.

Steamboat at Liangseah st with LianLian , Ndy , Andrew and Yinqi .

Quiet person by nature, dont talk much to strangers and i do feel uneasy in the company of acquaintances. Difficulty in opening up or holding normal conversations with new friends etc. May appear unfriendly/arrogant at times(as others have mentioned)but as long as i have lianlian with me i'll be alright yo (=

and i really dont like talking over the phone. I've only been able to hold long phone conversations with only 2 ppl . LianLian and ahboy so far.Honestly. Under circumstances , i am much friendlier
and able to talk more like when under the influence of anti-depressants. hahahaha. This 2nd part is not when im in my depressed state tho. This is just me. Im born like that. - weird.

well thats me for you .

why am i even blogging abt stuff like my depression. Im in a nightmare , This is my nightmare.

Get me out of it . I sound crazy dont i ? so stay away i have no intention of making new friends.

Afraid of the rest of the world .....