Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I've not been well and this weird pain that im feeling at my joints and in all my bones is unexplainable man . Its irritating the shit outta me.
I bet no one would ever unds wad im going through cos probably no one has ever experienced this before. (pain in my joints and bones, ticklish feeling like something's underneath my skin flowing through my blood) It even feels uncomfortable to type or use the mouse.

That explains why i didnt blog for days cos i just couldnt type. Damn irritating i tell you. First the legs , to arms and all they way to the fingertips. It just gets worse. I never would have imagined anyone could feel this way until i experienced this myself.

I probably am not going to get well again, i've never been unwell for so long. The worst part was I went for a thorough physical examination and it did not reveal a medical cause. All they could say was " unexplained aches and pains" or "unknown cause" aarghh!! what the .. ?

What exactly am i suffering from ? Cancer ? rheumatism? some kinda cancer cells spreading or what ? identify the problem and tell me now, fucking tell me what i might be suffering from at least i could decide what to do.

Doctors could only speculate. Maybe this maybe that. Most logical explanation was that the incident could have affected/injured either a nerve or a muscle causing me to feel this way and there would be no cure,i'd just have to take painkillers all my life. Nerves are all connected and very sensitive parts.He wouldn't know. Ahhh. Well what i want now is not useless speculations , i want someone to be able to verify it . Doctor pauses then asks me to refer to a specialist at SGH. Maybe, just maybe he could verify it.

If i was well and fine, i was prepared to let the matter rest, i didnt mind the scars. But if i had to live with the physical discomforts or suffer from time to time, I'd get a doctor to verify it and i swear im taking legal action this time cos i just dont deserve this, i dont. No living thing should ever be put through what i went through or rather what im going through man. Right now i just need a doctor to tell me what's going on. It seems they cant put a finger on it.

So imagine this , you're unwell and the doctors dont know why , so they cant give you any medicine to get well. You just sit there suffering , waiting for the pain to go away or what ?! i doubt it'll ever go away. I wanna know the cause! Right now.

If i had to feel this everyday, i'd rather not live , its no use. Cant work or study or go out. fucking rest everyday is it ? i endured , endured and endured . They said i looked tired , worn-out , haggard . Its been really bad for me . I am nt happy at all . It just gets worse.

Seriously, Im baffled by this. Do y'all think i'll ever get well ? i just wanna know whats causing this.This feeling , its irritating me , its disturbing.

I might just go crazy man , for all u know it might just take a toll on my mental state. Cos other than blogging i keep thinking whats causing this? whats causing this?! whats causing this? LOL. okays not funny. I wanna feel normal again and if this continues i'll find a way to end life. i dont want to be a nuisance to my family or be a worthless/useless person idling all day long enduring the pain others could only see.God bless me.

irreversible damage done.




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